


FG FS E1: And Home Before Dark

by orphan_account



Series: Freakin' Sweet! Alternate Continuity Family Guy [2]
Category: Family Guy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, M/M, Meg standing up for herself for once, Musical References, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 10:49:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3893608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lois finally gets to direct her own play, an unexpected rival returns to face off against Stewie, tension boils between Meg & Connie, and the play's themes become more and more fitting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Act I

Even though it seemed to have been forgotten - somehow the promise of Lois finally getting a musical how she'd like it (re: how it's meant to be done) instead of one of Peter's malformed self-indulgent musicals was finally fulfilled. It'd taken long enough, but it'd finally happened. She'd soon announced that the musical that was to be done this time was Into the Woods, as inspired by the mildly recent movie release.

Needless to say, almost everyone was trying out, including most of the family.

* * *

 

"Alright, one, two, one two three four." Stewie breathed out. "Wake up! Stop dreaming! Stop prancing about the woods - back to life, back to sense, back to child, back to husband, you can't live in the woods...there are vows, there are ties, there are needs, there are shouldn'ts and shoulds...alright, doing good so far. Just have to pick it up--"

A knock at the door. "Am I interrupting something?" Brian opened the door, peeking in.

"Not in the slightest." Stewie shrugged. "In fact, it might be good for me to get a partner."

"You were doing pretty good."

"Thank you. The part was certainly intended for me." Stewie grinned. Brian didn't exactly have the heart to tell him that he was likely going to be placed as either Jack or Little Red, if anyone. Probably Jack, considering that Lois still wasn't 100% certain of Stewie's 'gender issues' - and Stewie tended to dart around the topic while she was around as well. "But even then, I still need practice. You'll probably get a good part, you got the lead last time."

"Well, yeah, but you remember how well that turned out..."

"The fat man isn't involved this time. It'll go fine. Here. Do 'It Takes Two' with me, since there's a high chance you'll end up being the Baker anyway." 

"...Maybe, I mean..."

"Alright! One, two, one two three - you've changed, you're daring, you're different in the woods, more sure, more sharing, you're getting through the woods, if you could see...you're not the man who started, and much more openhearted than I knew you to be..."

Well, he could at least do this... "It takes two, I thought one was enough - it's not true, it takes two of us. You came through when the journey was rough, it took you, it took two of us, it takes care, it takes patience and fear and despair to change...though you swear to change, who can tell if you do? It takes two." Brian couldn't help a slight smile, taking Stewie and twirling him around by the arm. 

"You've changed! You're thriving, there's something about the woods! Not just surviving, you're blossoming in the woods! At home...I'd fear, we'd stay the same forever...and then out here you're passionate, charming, considerate, clever--"

"It takes one, to begin but then once you've begun, it takes two of you  - it's no fun, but what needs to be done you can do, when there's two of us. If I dare, it's because I'm becoming aware...of us...as a pair of us...each accepting a share of what's there~" 

"See, you are really good!"

"You're not bad yourself, but..." Oh, he'd have to break the news. "...you do know Lois is casting this, right? And as far as she's concerned, you're her...little boy."

Stewie froze dead in his tracks. "...What do you mean?"

".....she's probably going to put you as....Jack. A guy. I mean, I know you're more comfortable as a girl, and..."

"...very much so, to be honest." Stewie admitted. "I mean, yes, when I get a bit older, I intend to...well, I'm sure you've almost always been aware of this fact, but...I'm more a girl than I am a guy in the end. You're not going to puke if you sleep with m--"

"No! Not at all. That one time was more out of the fact that I'd touched something that once produced Quagmire, than anything. You'll be a beautiful girl."

"Oh. Alright....perhaps I should tell the others? I mean...I'd still like to be considered male for a while, but...once I'm older and ready, I'll change. Even still, I'd...I don't exactly want any other girl playing your wife." The boy pouted, crossing his arms. "I'd hate that."

"Right. I'll talk to Lois, okay? See what I can do."

"Alright. You relate to her more than I do, anyway, since the desire to murder her still lingers within me."

"Right."

* * *

 

"Um, Lois? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Brian stepped down the stairs, looking around. Lois stepped out of the kitchen.

"Sure, what'dya need?"

"I need to talk to you about Stewie."

Lois sat down on the couch, patting the seat next to her. "Well, I'm open to listening. What about him?"

Brian climbed onto the couch where she patted, and let out a sigh. "Alright, so first things first, you're going to hate me for this, but I kinda....um....I'm kind of...unofficially...kindasortadatinghim. But we're not doing anything sexual until he's of age, and I don't want you to think that I'm manipulating him in any way, because I'm not, and..."

"Brian, relax. I've known he's had a crush on you since he was 1. It's a bit obvious the way he constantly stayed around you, and you're a good guy. As long as you don't hurt him, I'm okay with it. And Peter will be, too. Just don't hurt my baby, or I'll dig your eyes out." Lois smiled. "That it?"

"Okay, I'm pretty relieved about that...the other thing is that Stewie...doesn't exactly...want to be a male when he gets older."

"He's transgender?"

"Yes."

"...To be honest, I probably should've seen that coming, too....well, that's perfectly fine."

"....He just....I know you're going to think that I'm ruining your show now, or something, but he really wants me to be the Baker and for him to play the Baker's Wife. He's been practicing all evening." 

"Oh. Oh dear." Lois frowned a bit, biting her lip. "Those are two complex parts...hm....what if I put him as Little Red Riding Hood, and you could be the Wolf? You'd get a duet, and he wouldn't have to worry about you getting interested in anyone else - and before you ask, I know what traits my babies inherited, and Stewie just happens to have gotten Peter's tremendous amount of jealousy, so I entirely understand." 

"You think that'd work?"

"It's worth a shot. It's the best thing you have, because as much as I love my baby...he's not an adult yet, so he couldn't handle--I mean, the Wife gets pregnant and has a child, so that couldn't happen." Lois snorted. "It'll be fine." She gently patted Brian on the shoulder, and got up. "Now, if that's all, I've got laundry to fold."

"Yeah. Thanks, Lois."

"No problem. Oh, and Brian? Not that I need to remind you, but...take good care of my baby."

"I will."

* * *

 

"So, what'd she say?" Stewie was waiting near the entrance of his room. 

"She said she'll compromise, by putting you as Little Red and me as the Wolf."

"...Well, I suppose that's good enough. I've always thought I'd fit that costume anyway." Stewie paused, rubbing his chin. "....Though you're still not in the lead roles, you're...you're fine with that? I mean, the one lead role you had, and the fat man turned it into his self-indulgent..."

"It's fine, alright? I just get to stay with you, and that's good enough."

"...I still feel like you missed out."

"I did, a bit, but...I'm..."

A brief silence. "...Or, perchance, when the last little star has left the sky~ shall we still be together with our arms around each other, and shall you be my new romance? On the clear understanding that this kind of thing can happen...~" Stewie took Brian's paws, as the dog rolled his eyes in response despite smiling. 

"Shall we dance~? Shall we dance~? Shall we dance~?"

* * *

 

Soon, the auditioning period came. It was a long, long day, especially for Lois.

"Alright, thank you! Next!"

However, the next person on stage was enough to shock Stewie into getting up. 

"Hello! My name is Olivia Fuller, and I will be singing 'A Little Brains, A Little Talent' from Damn Yankees."

"Whenever you're ready." Lois nodded.

"I took the zing outta the king of Siam - I took the starch out of the sails of the Prince of Wales - it's no great art, gettin' the heart of a man, on a silver platter! A little brains - a little talent, with emphasis on the latter!" She looked directly at Stewie, who was still stunned, pointing at her.

"I made mince-meat out of a sweet young farmer! I knocked the fight out of a knight~ when I pierced his armor...And I'll bet, I can upset every male in a Yale regatta! A little brains-a little talent, with the emphasis on the lattttttaaaaaaa~! Thank you!" Olivia stepped down off of the stage, directly walking over to Stewie. "Missed me?"

"Not at all." Stewie frowned. "Not since you cheated on me with that...that...scriptwriting nerd. How are you not dead?!"

"I've got my ways. Such as the fact that I burst through the back." Olivia raised up her arms that had notable burnscars on them. "See these? I had to use that to bust out the back."

"Oh, so neither of you died?"

"No. Only I lived. But I'm back now." Olivia clenched her teeth. "And I'm going to make your life hell for hurting me."

"I'd like to see you try. Bring it on, bitch."

"Oh, you can bet I will be. I will be." Oliva smiled politely, curtsying, and walked to the back of the theatre, watching with amused eyes as the auditions continued. Stewie couldn't help but grimace.

* * *

 

The next one up was a complete surprise to everyone.

"...Meg? You're sure you want to try this?" Lois questioned, looking at her teenage daughter on stage. "You've never really had a stage presence--"

"I...I can prove you wrong." Meg swallowed, bracing herself. "Hello! I'm Meg Griffin, and I will be singing 'Don't Rain On My Parade' from Funny Girl." She cleared her throat, then began to...belt out confidently. "I'm gonna live and live now, get what I want--I know how, one roll for the whole shebang, one throw, that bell will go clang, eye on the target--and wham-- one shot, one gun shot, and bam-- Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I aaaaaaaaammmm~!" At that moment, it seemed like the entire theater's jaws dropped at once. After a brief silence, Meg smiled awkwardly. "Um. Thank you."

"...I didn't know she could..." Lois muttered. 

The rest of the auditions went fairly smoothly. Stewie managed to do his decently (even if the decision to do 'Empty Chairs at Empty Tables' was a bit rushed, he could tell Olivia was seething a bit), Brian's was fine, a few others walked in, and...

"Peter? You want to try this again?"

"...Well, yeah! I think I've gotten better! Like, I've got a song, even!" He held up the shoddily-stapled two sheets of paper. "C'mon, Lois. Let me try."

"If you remember, this is supposed to be my show."

"I didn't say it wasn't! I just want to...try! I'm not demanding anything."

"...Alright."

"Okay! Hi, my name's Peter Griffin, and I'll be singing...Snap, from Happy Days the Musical."

Lois' head hit the table in front of her at about that minute.

"I just snap my fingers  
And the bad guys bite the dust  
Snap my fingers  
And the ladies start to lust  
The pleasure's unimagined  
The chemistry is strong  
If love's a dance, then Fonzie is our song~!"

"...Thank you." Well, it wasn't as bad as she expected, at least.

* * *

 It wasn't long before the castlist was posted.

'Cast List of: 'Into the Woods: A Peter Griffin Production: Directed by Lois Griffin'  
Baker: Cleveland Brown  
Baker's Understudy: Peter Griffin  
Baker's Wife: Lois Griffin  
Cinderella: Meg Griffin  
Little Red: Olivia Fuller  
Cinderella's Prince/The Wolf: Brian Griffin  
Jack: Stewie Griffin  
The Witch: Bonnie Swanson  
Rapunzel: Connie D'Amico  
Rapunzel's Prince: Chris Griffin  
Narrator/Mysterious Man: Joe Swanson'

"Wait, WHAT THE DEUCE?!" That was Stewie's immediate reaction, seeing the list. "That...that vile woman tricked me! She set it up so I thought I'd...but then she....oh, I'll certainly have my revenge! Victory shall be mine! ....So who got Little Red inste--....oh."

"Well. Looks like I win, Stewie." Olivia smirked, watching from behind him. "Nice try, though."

"You don't win jack, bitch! You just wait! By the end of this all, I'll have stolen the show from you and your off-tune voice!" 

"I'd like to see you try, with all your grandstanding. You'll screw it up and fail, and I'll take advantage. It'll be too easy."

 At the exact same time, however, Meg was having an absolute celebration. She'd gotten a lead! She was good at something! People would maybe finally like her! Maybe! Probably not, but she could dream! It was really fitting, being Cinderella...a horrible family who pushed her around and treated her like crap, but now finally she was given the chance to shine!

"Oh, hey, congrats on the part, Meg." Brian commented. "Hopefully this won't turn out too awkwardly."

"Thank you!" Meg smiled. "And...it probably won't, unless you make it awkward. I'm past that obsessional phase I had that one time, so this won't bother me...unless it bothers you."

"No, no! I just...had to make sure." Scanning over the castlist once more, he let out a long sigh. "....Yeah."

Stewie had approached Brian, crossing his arms and tapping his foot. "Well. I'm going to kill that bitch. Again." He clenched his teeth. "Steal that part from me, will you...stupid cow...."

"Kid, don't murder her...yet." The dog had to tack on that 'yet' since it was inevitable that the boy would jump to that conclusion sooner or later, whether he liked it or not. Stewie let out a long sigh.

"...Yet."

* * *

 

"Congratulations on the part, Meg." Meg paused, turning around to face - none other than - Connie D'Amico. "You've got the poor abused wretch look down. Wonder how they'll make someone like you look like a princess."

"They'll..." Meg hesitated, her faulty confidence getting the best of her. "They'll find a way."

"Not likely." Connie shook her head slowly. "They'll have to use me as a double and make me both princesses. Besides, I can sing better than you too."

"I...well, I..." Meg looked down. "I thought I did alright." She looked at Connie, smiling. "What did you sing?"

"...Cinema Italiano from Nine." Connie shrugged. "Probably too high class for you, funny girl. And I mean that in a 'you-look-like-hedgehog-puke' way funny, not ha-ha funny." A snakelike smile came across her face. "Not that I had to explain that."

"...." Meg sighed. "Well..." She braced herself, steeling her nerves. "One of us got a lead and the other got secondary."

"Only because your mom's directing."

"For your information, my mom hates me!"

Connie paused. "...She didn't seem to that one time I came over."

"Yeah? Well, things changed." Meg snapped. "I'm going to...go now. Out....um..." She forced a smile onto her face again. "Bye, Connie! See you in rehearsal!" With that, she ran out, leaving the popular girl alone.

 


	2. Act II

The first rehearsal was going to be a long one. First, it was the read-through of the script - simply to test the waters of characterization, and show that the casting truly was perfect.

"Alright. Welcome to the first rehearsal for Into the Woods, everyone! Congratulations for getting parts - it was a tough competition, and I had a lot of trouble choosing."

'Yeah, I'll bet,' Stewie mouthed, crossing his arms and glaring down at the floor. 

"Alright, so get out your scripts, and let's start with the read-through! Joe, you'll be starting us off." Lois instructed, looking at her script.

 

"Right. You got it, Lois! Ahem...once upon a time."

"I wish..." Meg started.

"In a far off kingdom."

"More than anything, more than life."

"Lived a family, a sad young lad, and a childless baker."

"I wish!" Stewie chimed in, exactly on time. "More than life, more than anything."

"More than the moon." Lois, Cleveland...and Peter chimed in. "...Peter, you're not supposed to be doin' the part yet, you're gettin' the second half. You're the understudy, remember?"

"But I want the first haaaaaaaalf!" 

"..." Lois pinched the bridge of her forehead. "Cleveland, do you mind?"

"Nah. I can take the second half. Go ahead, Peter."

"Yaaaay!"

"...Okay, Meg, pick it up at 'I wish to go to the festival.' "

 

"I wish to go to the festival~"

"More than riches!"

"And the ball!" 

"I wish my cow would give us some milk..." Stewie made a disgusted face, grimacing. "Pleaaaase, pal, squeeze, pal..."

"I wish we might have a child!"

"I wish!"

"You wish to go to the festival?" The people who'd been chosen to play the stepmother and her daughters were more of the more popular girls at school. 

"The poor girl's mother had died."

"You wish to go to the festival? You wish to go to the festival? The KING'S festival?"

"And her father had taken a new wife with two daughters of her own."

"Darling, your nails - darling, your dress, people will laugh at you!"

"Nevertheless..." Meg was clearly faltering a bit there - perhaps it'd be a bit too close to home to say that she related.

"She still wishes to go to the festival, and dance before the prince! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"...I'm sorry..." Meg muttered under her breath.

 

"All three were beautiful of face, but vile and black of heart. Jack, on the other hand, had no father - and his mother...well, she wasn't beautiful either."

"I wish." Oh. Oh no. He hadn't noticed him, but yes, he was there, Stewie noticed. The creepy old man who lived down the street, Herbert. "I wish my cow was full of milk, I wish for milk to make some cheese, I wish for cheese to get some gold, I wish a lot of things..." God, creepy asshole. Stewie grimaced.

* * *

 

A knocking sound effect. 

"Why, come in, little girl!" Lois looked at Olivia, who began singing right on time.

"I wish! It's not for me, it's for my granny in the woods! A loaf of bread...please...to bring my poor old hungry granny in the woods, just a loaf of bread, please..."

 

"Cinderella's stepmother had a surprise for her."

"I've dropped a bowl of...what is this?" The girl stared at the script. "Lentils? What is...ugh, whatever, I dropped a bowl of lentils into the ashes. Pick them all out and you shall go to the festival with us."

 

"And perhaps a sticky bun...or four!" Olivia smiled proudly.

 

"Come little birds, from the sky, from the eves and the trees and castles and ponds..."

 

"And a few of those pies...."

 

Meg began vocalising, causing a long stare at her as if to say 'oh, she actually CAN do something right'. Meg frowned. "Come little birds, flick through the ashes, flick and peck and flick through the ashes, into the pot!"

* * *

"Now, Jack, you should go down and take Milky-White to market."

"...But mother, he's the best cow!" Stewie practically forced that line out of his mouth. This was horrible. Olivia was simply sitting across from him, twirling her hair around one finger and grinning.

"Look at her! She's got flies in her eyes, she's got junk in her trunk, there's a lump in her rump big enough to be a hump - son, we've no time to sit and dither, while her withers wither with her, and no one keeps a cow for a friend! Get goin' before I slap you in your penis." 

"...." Stewie had to assume no one else heard that but him due to the lack of reaction. It always turned out that way, didn't it?

* * *

 

"Into the woods, it's time to go, I hate to leave, I have to, though, into the woods, it's time to, so I must begin my journey! Into the woods, and through the trees, to where I am, expected, ma'am, into the woods to grandmother's house! Into the woods to grandmother's house!" 

"You're certain of your way?"

"You gonna freakin' pay?" Peter said at the same time as Lois, causing his wife to glare at him. "What? I'm sellin' my wares, I'm gonna damn well get paid for it. Otherwise, it'll be like that time I had to do 'work' for Bill Clinto--"

"No cutways. Not now!" Lois groaned. "Continue, Olivia?"

"Gladly! The way is clear! The light is good! I have no fear, nor no one should! The woods are just trees! The trees are just wood! I sort of hate to ask it, but do you have a basket?"

"That costs extra." Peter commented. Lois simply sighed.

"Into the woods and down the dell, the path is straight, I know it well, into the woods, and who can tell what's waiting on the journey? Into the woods to bring some bread to granny who is sick in bed, never can tell what lies ahead, for all I know, she's already dead! But into the woods! Into the woods! Into the woods to grandmother's house, and home before dark!"

* * *

All seemed well, until...

Meg was supposed to be doing her evil stepsisters' hair. "Father said be good, mother said be nice, life is always their advice! So be nice, Cinderella, kind Cinderella, nice good good nice!" She perhaps, once more, was getting a bit too into it.

"...Tighter?" The girl whose hair she was doing was a bit frightened.

"What's the good of being good if everyone else is blind, always leaving you behind?! So never mind, Cinderella, SHUT UP, CINDERELLA, NICE GOOD GOOD NICE KIND GOOD FUCKING NICE!" Meg snapped, and once she blinked back to reality, the girl had run off, and she was holding a clump of hair in her hand. "...Oh. Whoops."

Everyone else was staring at her, and she sank into her seat.

* * *

 

Another knocking effect.

"Who might that be?!" Lois gasped.

"Eh, just some old hag from next door." Peter shrugged.

"...The old enchantress told the couple she had placed a spell on their house."

"In the past, when your mother was with child, she developed an unusual appetite..." Bonnie began, waving her arms.

"...bleh. Bleh." Peter only half-listened, leaning back in his seat. "So wait, I had a brother?"

"No!" Bonnie shrugged, getting into her part. "But you had a sister."

"But the witch refused to tell him any more of his sister, not even that her name was...Rapunzel."

Once more, Peter zoned out. "...Somethin' 'bout beans...." He muttered to himself. "...Whoa, did she just cast a spell on my junk?" Peter was left confused - eventually, he settled mentally, that yes, she had cursed his penis somehow. Which was bad, as the fear-ridden expression on his face showed.

* * *

 

"Jack, you gonna take Milky-White to market or not? 'Cause otherwise you're goin' to the punishment basement."

"Yeah, no, I'm getting the hell out of here, fuck you, you crazy old pervert." Stewie instinctively scooted away from him. "Into the woods to sell a friend..."

* * *

 

"Meanwhile, the witch, for purposes of her own, explained to the baker and his wife how they might break the spell."

"You wish to have the curse reversed? I'll need a certain potion first. Go to the woods and bring me back, one, the cow as white as milk. Two, the cape as red as blood. Three, the hair as yellow as corn. And four, the slipper as pure as gold. Bring me these before the chime of midnight in three days time, and you shall have, I guarantee, a child as perfect as child can be."

"But we've already got three!" Peter commented.

"Go to the woods!" Bonnie snapped, then relaxed in her seat with a pleasant smile. "...I like my part."

* * *

 

...They all skipped over Meg's part, and the teen remained silent.

* * *

 

"Uh...um...look what I found in father's hunting jacket!" Peter, surprisingly enough, was the one to keep the show moving.

"Six beans? We'll take them with us!" Lois exclaimed.

"No! The spell is on my house - only I can lift the spell, the spell is on my house!"

"No no, the spell is on our house, we must lift the spell together, the spell is on our house!"

"NO! Lois, you're not coming, that's final! Now...what am I gonna get?" Peter rubbed his chin. 

"You don't remember?" Lois frowned. "The cow as white as milk, the cape as red as blood, the hair as yellow as corn, the slipper as pure as gold!"

"The cow as white as milk, the cape as red as blood, the hair as yellow as corn, the...uh..."

"Slipper as pure as gold!"

* * *

 

"I still wish to go to the festival, but how am I to go to the festival? I know! I'll visit mother's grave, the grave at the hazel tree, and tell her I wish to go to the festival!" Meg surprisingly joined in.

"Into the woods, it's time to go, it may be all in vain, I know! Into the woods, but even so, I have to take the journey!"

"Into the woods to lift the spell!" 

"Into the woods to visit mother!"

"That was good!" Lois clapped. "Surprisingly good, even!"

* * *

 

As the people were filing out after a few more scenes, the only group that remained were the Griffins.

"God, that was creepy." Stewie commented to Brian, shivering. "Why the hell isn't that creep dead yet?"

"I don't know, but yeah, it was creepy." Brian agreed. "It was all really interesting, to be honest...except for Olivia, she was horrible." He tacked on that last part to make Stewie happy, and it worked, seeing the grin on his face. 

"Damn straight. I did great considering the material. Surprisingly, Meg wasn't that bad, either."

"Well, yeah, but..."

"...She did kinda snap, yeah."

"....Peter and Lois were doing alright."

"As much as I hate to say it, yes, the fat man and Lois weren't doing that hideously considering our company. Surprisingly. Since the fat man is usually awful. Though, you just wait, he's going to screw it up." Stewie warned. "It'll happen."

"It always does."

* * *

 

"...Meg?" Lois spoke up, walking over to her daughter with papers in her hands. "Are you alright, honey?"

Meg said nothing, just shrugged. Lois wrapped an arm around her daughter. "Do you not want to do this, or...?"

"....you wouldn't understand." Meg stated. "You're the one who handed me suicide objects and told me 'whatever happens, happens.' " She muttered darkly. "And you put me in the role of Cinderella just to laugh at me some more? The abused daughter?"

"Honey, I cast you because you're good at singin'!"

"That's not true. You're just saying that so you and dad can laugh at me again and when I try to defend myself, tell me to shut up, Meg." Meg smiled bitterly. "Never mind, Meg, shut up, Meg, nice, good, good, kind, good, nice." She got up and wandered off.

 

"...Peter?" Lois got up, walking over to her husband. "Do you think we're too rough on Meg?"

"Nah. She needs to toughen up. The real world's like that, Lois." Peter commented. "I mean, if she doesn't learn to be strong now, she never will."

"She seems really wound up about this, though....I don't know, I'm just worried about her. I've messed up far more than once, and so have you, and I'm beginning to think she doesn't love us anymore." 

"She's got to! We made her."

"...Peter, that doesn't automatically mean she has to like us."

"Yeah, it does. We can just stuff her back up inside you if she--"

"Peter." Lois glared. "That's not how biology or parenting works. Sometimes I wonder why I even stay with you."

"...Because we're better off together than alone?"

"At times, like right now? I doubt that." Lois got up, walking away. "If you need me, I'll be marking the script for blocking. If you don't, then stay away from me for a while for your own good."

"Lois, I--..."

"Save it."


End file.
